Accidental kisses are NEVER romantic, unless they aren't accidental
by Tsukio Moon
Summary: Kagura has recently found herself accidentally kissing the sadist on several occasions and so often that it's come to the point that she's just shrugging it off every time. But, where they all really by accident? Rated T for Kagura's mouth.


**Summary:** Kagura has recently found herself accidentally kissing the sadist on several occasions and so often that it's come to the point that she's just shrugging it off every time. But, where they all really by accident?

This too, is inspired by a Tumblr Prompt that I just _had_ to write.

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Kagura sat at one of the couches at the Yorozuya residence thinking how her first kiss was taken away from her recently, and second, and third, and forth and so on. She doesn't know how many times its happened now, but she knows one thing. They are by no means lovey-dovey-omg-I-got-my-first-kiss-and-so-on-with-my-true-love-giddy-giddy kisses. If anything they are accidental kisses and she doesn't know how many times it has occurred now? Ten, fourteen, she doesn't freaking remember!

Now, she's not someone to dwell on something as meaningless as a first kiss, though, it all becomes a whole different story when _he_ is involved. Not like she has any feelings for him whatsoever, she simply hates him, that's all.

Not only is he the biggest asshole in the universe, not only does she hate him, but he's her rival and she despises him! And she's getting so done with these accidental kisses that after each and every time it happens she's becoming less and less shocked.

Though she still remember the first time it happened, and it really wasn't pleasant, more like a living nightmare if anything:

 _She was resting in the park on her favorite bench, munching on some sukonbu and relishing in the feeling of peace, which she, if she may add, haven't felt a lot lately with her occasionally bad luck and her always stumbling upon a certain Sadist; Okita Sougo._

 _Just the mere mention of his name made her sick. She rolled around on the bench trying to get all thoughts of_ him _out of her head. She really wasn't in the mood today, not like she ever was._

 _Just when she had successfully succeeded in submerging all thoughts about him and was patting Sadaharu who sat next to the bench, did he show up behind her with a sneak attack. Of course, she had felt of his presence from minutes before. She just didn't bother._

 _She swiftly dodged him in the last possible second and landed neatly behind him and the bench. "What the hell do you want this time, bastard?"_

" _Nothing much," he began petting his sword as it was some kind of pet, sick bastard. "Just wanted to have some fun with my favorite toy."_

" _Are you talking about me or your damned sword?"_

" _It's Kiku-ichimonji RX-78_ _ **[1]**_ _, and my katana, of course, my life isn't speculating solely around you."_

" _And still here you are where I am, and has been for the last month."_

 _He looked at her with a bored expression as always and sheathed his katana "Well, someone must be my next victim while I'm testing out my new sword."_

" _So, in the end, you're just a damn Tsujigiri?! And I have been your target for the last month!?" She couldn't help but raise her voice obnoxiously loud when he was doing the act of Tsujigiri_ _ **[2]**_ _, at a cute and innocent civilian when it's his job to_ prevent _such things to happen in the very beginning, not that this guy ever has done his job properly, to begin with anyway._

" _Wow China, you actually used your brain for once, that's a miracle."_

" _I use it all the time, idiot."_

" _really? Because it sure doesn't seem like it."_

" _Okay, that's it, die, Sadist!" She screamed as she lunged after him. He swiftly evaded her kick to his stomach and she took this unguarded opportunity of his when he yet had to land on the ground and struck him in the head with her umbrella._

 _But of course, this is Okita Sougo, she's talking about, and he ducked midair and scrunched together like a meatball, a really graceful form indeed, -she felt a bit sarcastic today- and when he landed, he landed a bit unsteady, which gave Kagura_ yet _another free chance at attacking him with her umbrella, this time aiming for his legs. "Damn Sadist, you sure are getting weaker and weaker, weren't you the one supposed to be the Tsujigiri here?"_

" _Well China, we've just begun, I am just warming up if you're too dumb to understand that."_

"Fine then, but I ain't waiting for you to have 'warmed up', so you better step up your game sadist or I'll give you quite a number! No mercy on the battlefield they say after all!"

 _Sougo grunted and willingly took in with as much strength as much as she did -the only disadvantage being that he's not a goddamn yato-, as he accidentally stumbled on a rock beneath him. He fell forward towards Kagura and before he could process what was happening, his lips crashed into her._

 _They both paled._

 _They quickly separated from each other and it didn't take long for them both to process the situation. Kagura paled even more, if humanly possible, and kicked Sougo, who so happened to be on top of her on the ground they now were lying on, several meters away._

 _She wasn't sure if she heard him scream "gaaah!" or "I'll get you for this China!" Or possibly both. The only thing she could think of at the moment was that she kissed him. He kissed her, And she lost her freaking first kiss to him. Seriously?! Any other guy would do! Hell, even Shinpachi would have been better, but_ him _?!_

 _The realization that she would need to live with this fact forever dawned upon her, and she wasn't even sure if she ever would be able to look him in the eyes from now on._

 _She abruptly stood up, shouted at Sadaharu to come and ran away from there. The moment she was back at the Yorozuya residence she buried her head in his white fur and relished in the scent of her beloved dog, poop, dirt, and dog. But it didn't matter if he reeked of that, it was still a nice smell that calmed her down whenever she was in the urgent need of ripping someone's head off but she (un)fortunately had no one near her at the moment to serve as her rag doll._

 _She remember never mentioning a word about this incident to neither of her guardians and quickly forgot all about it the next day. However, the very next day, the Shinsengumi came over to them to talk about political matters, which, seriously enough, happened to be a proposal from the Gorilla man to her Anego. Talk about 'political'_

 _She still remember how his face looked all swollen up and blue after his honorable speech including "Come and be mine forever, Otae -san!" and "You turn me on!" and even "Why don't we take my drill, and put it in your cavern." and that was the end of his proposal. Though she can't understand why neither of the Shimura siblings decided to beat him up to a pulp as quickly as he walked through the Shoji doors_ **[3]** _._

 _She also remember how Mayora looked ashamed over his commander throughout the whole speech and how much the Sadist -despite not openly showing it- was also too ashamed to even be in the very same room as his commander. Well, at least she got herself a good laugh when the Mayora almost pulled out all his hair as soon as Kondo spouted out the cavern part as if thinking 'He actually went and said it?!'_

 _Around 10 minutes after the stalker of a commander got thrown out the window and with Toshi trying to convince Anego to become his future "wife" -Shinpachi put up a tantrum at that part- she and the sadist began yet another fight. At one point she stumbled at a creak on the floor and fell right into him, and his lips._

That was the second time they kissed; Accidentally.

And it kept on happening many times after that as one time when Sadaharu literally bumped him into her, and another time when Elizabeth accidentally threw one of her signs at sadist when he chased after Zura, and she just happened to pass by when he fell on her, kissing her. And those are just a few of many times. At this point, accidentally kissing him has now become nothing more than their daily fights and bickering. And more or less a daily routine.

"Oi, China, China can you hear me? Chiinaa?" The voice drew her out of her temporary trance. She looked around to see who the hell had dared to break into the yorozuya building intending to beat them up when she saw that it was just him. "Oh, it's just you sadist. What are you doing here?"

"Ouch, you're hurting a poor policeman's feelings here, you know, I've been trying to get your attention for 3 minutes now but you kept on staring off into space." He feigned hurt and did some dramatical poses.

 _this_ is the man she's accidentally kissed non-stop for the past 3 weeks? Seriously? "You know, instead of being all dramatical sadist, why don't you tell me your reason for breaking in?"

"I didn't break in you idiot, the glasses let me in."

"How many times do I need to tell you guys that I AM NOT A PAIR OF GLASSES!? they both heard from the sidelines but decided to dismiss it as it was merely a pair of glasses screaming, nothing important.

"Okay, so, when had you intended to tell me why you are here of all places? Don't you have better things to do, like, killing Mayora or something? So, shoo, shoo, get out of her and do your job bakufu dog." He hit her on the head with his sheathed sword at that comment. "Well China, I am here to talk with Danna about something, but found you instead so I thought that I could take the opportunity to get off some steam until he gets back. You know, killing some time while I am waiting here for him."

"You're on Sadist!" She screamed and lunged forward, with the intention to send him to the furthest hospital from here. Too engulfed in attacking him she didn't see the smirk forming on his lips, and soon they were kissing again.

When they parted she looked him unfazed in the eye and asked him. "What happened this time Sadist? Did you stumble? Because I sure didn't." Her tone was more questioning and curious than taunting and his answer shocked her greatly.

"Huh, who said that I stumbled on something China?" He smirked at her as he then abruptly walked out of there as if nothing ever happened. Confused she just shrugged it off and walked to Shinpachi in the kitchen with the intention of annoying him.

But really, she would never be able to understand that guy's intentions.

It was then that she realized that the Sadist previously said that he would wait there at their office for Gin-chan.

She screeched upon the realization. And somewhere on the roads of Kabuki-cho on his way back to the Shinsengumi compound, was a smirking man walking casually feeling completely satisfied.

Now she wondered if any of their un-fateful encounters and kisses were all planned out from the very start by him or not. She couldn't sleep for weeks. Accidental or not, there was nothing romantically about those kisses, absolutely nothing!

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 **[1] -** _ **Kiku-ichimonji RX-78 = The name of Okita's Katana who has a built-in MP3 player with a play time of 124 hours which I think most of us are aware of now, however, apparently according to Gintama Wiki, the sword makes a much deeper bass tone when swung around than other swords. You know, those swoosh swoosh sounds they make when you swing them around or something.**_

 **[2] - Tsujigiri = The act of killing innocent passersby in order to test out a new sword. Also used to refer to the person committing the act. Some examples are: "I saw a Tsujigiri walking around the street and killing innocent civilians yesterday." or "Seems like someone has committed tsujigiri again…"**

 **[3] Shoji Doors - Japanese style doors that you slide open instead of push or pull open.**


End file.
